藉口用成了習慣
當沒了藉口當盾牌
才發現盾牌後的自己已是面目全非
連我自己 都不知道這是誰 分不清自己在哪了
需要多久來沉澱呢? 一個月 一年 一生
忙碌的這麼久 還要再多久 再多久 才能轉向自以為要走的路
又或許 我從來沒沒變過 一直都在漂流 沉澱又只是另外一個漂流的藉口
跟著心嚮往的方向就能找到幸福嗎? 還是是另一段殘酷?
還是這一切又根本是個性使然 追根究柢其實早已經註定 早已經無可救藥
或許人生就只是漫無目標的盲從 從生命開始的那剎那就註定了無意義的墓誌銘
真空的靈魂 也許本來就不需要尋找東西去填滿 這顆心 也許就應該靜靜的走完剩下的路
蟲鳴鳥叫的奏鳴曲 花與蝴蝶的彩繪 也許根本也不需留心在意
不在意 就甭需擔心路旁的景色動人的傷心
反正路的盡頭 是連回憶也帶不走的事件視界
關於你的資訊 也許只殘留在旁人的樹突神經
幾個世代後 在腦脊髓液中掀不起絲毫漣漪
我是有病嗎? 為什麼不快樂?
過於在意些甚麼了或許
就算斷了一切 就會切斷了讓心不快樂的原因嗎?
在怎樣的環境 有怎樣的環境 才能容下這一顆脆弱的心
一顆早已厭倦面對殘酷的心
如果生命可以重新來過 我可以留著我這次的筆記嗎? 我知道別人的心得可能不適合我
我會好好用功 就像以前一樣 乖乖的 靜靜的 坐在圖書館裡
就像好幾年前的仲夏 聽著蟬叫伴著汗水的日子
就想好像從來不曾長大
嘿! 夢醒了
日子還是得過
The Legend of Zelda
This game has really special meaning to me.
Not only because it is one of the greatest franchise of all video games, but the memory I treasure and share with my sister. When I was in elementary school, we used to spend our summer playing one of the Zelda game, the link to the past. I played the game, and she's beside me reading the walkthrough for me. It's also the only time we can peacefully get along with each other.
It's funny that I hate my sister so much when I was a little boy. She always insult me with the cruel word I could not bear. Every time, everyday, I have to call my mother who was working during the day to tell on m y sister. After I moved to Taipei for university, our relationship started to change. I think it is the separation that cause us to change. We started care about each other, very much. If there's a meter for relationship, at the left is the hatred, and right is the love, and neutral being at the middle with value of 0, then I think the number is the same but simply we put a "-" in our relationship, from negative to positive. The separation made us realize we are the members of a family and we care each other. We have to take care each other.
This year, is the harshest time for my family. All the members in the family suffered a lot. Dear sister, I thank you for being with mom and taking care of the birdies while I am abroad. I know pressure and burden are huge. I believe we will overcome the challenge and hardship. The sky will one day be clear blue. I will be your Link, and we will, both protect our home, our family.
Not only because it is one of the greatest franchise of all video games, but the memory I treasure and share with my sister. When I was in elementary school, we used to spend our summer playing one of the Zelda game, the link to the past. I played the game, and she's beside me reading the walkthrough for me. It's also the only time we can peacefully get along with each other.
It's funny that I hate my sister so much when I was a little boy. She always insult me with the cruel word I could not bear. Every time, everyday, I have to call my mother who was working during the day to tell on m y sister. After I moved to Taipei for university, our relationship started to change. I think it is the separation that cause us to change. We started care about each other, very much. If there's a meter for relationship, at the left is the hatred, and right is the love, and neutral being at the middle with value of 0, then I think the number is the same but simply we put a "-" in our relationship, from negative to positive. The separation made us realize we are the members of a family and we care each other. We have to take care each other.
This year, is the harshest time for my family. All the members in the family suffered a lot. Dear sister, I thank you for being with mom and taking care of the birdies while I am abroad. I know pressure and burden are huge. I believe we will overcome the challenge and hardship. The sky will one day be clear blue. I will be your Link, and we will, both protect our home, our family.
Who am I
Relationship:
A son
A brother
A lover
A boyfriend
A grandson
A friend
Interest:
A photographer
A bird (parrot) lover
A gamer
A geek
A music lover
A basketball player
A runner
A wanderer
Work:
An advisee
A research assistant
A student
A teaching assistant
Maybe I can be everything I want.
A son
A brother
A lover
A boyfriend
A grandson
A friend
Interest:
A photographer
A bird (parrot) lover
A gamer
A geek
A music lover
A basketball player
A runner
A wanderer
Work:
An advisee
A research assistant
A student
A teaching assistant
Maybe I can be everything I want.
What I have been through is nothing
Posted in
Hell
I don't know what I will become in the future, because I lost my faith for future. The possible goodness of future.
I don't know what I will think when I look back to this period of my life, because overcoming this moment seems too faraway from me.
At this very moment, I feel like I am drowning in the ocean and you know what, I am not going to fight.
I simply want to let myself keep falling until I am completely dead, broke. I have no goal nor hope for the future. Future of happiness and brightness seems too far to grasp and past is too painful to look back.I just want to stay in my own small little brain, locking myself from all the negative feeling that can easily set me down, push me back, make me feel, terrible. Rotten, being forgotten, until no one in this world would think of me.
I have been thinking the meaning of "the unbearable lightness of being".
Apparently, lightness doesn't mean light; on the contrary, it implies heaviness. When I checked the implication of on the wikipedia. It says this quote means that we only have one life to live. One life, which means there will be no heaven nor after-life world. This is exactly what I think about life. So, I cannot give up. It's wrong. It violate the law of my philosophy, and I can't tolerate it because I am such a person deeply believe in my own doctrine. I will not accept these BS of giving up.
Realizing this...
I don't want to give up because there are so many beautiful things worth seeing and experiencing. Even I cannot feel them right now, I can only tell myself there should be, there will be, there must be a bright future for me to live on. There must be something waiting for me. There must be something worth fighting.
If I failed, how can I tell the world what I believe. If I gave up, there is nothing left for me.
If I stopped fighting and my life is a movie, then it means THE END.
Now, I can only tell myself that all these things I am suffering are meant to make me become a stronger one, because I believe no one can imagine how terrible the situation is nor no one can completely understand it. I am not going to die in my cocoon. Here in the cocoon is dark, cold, lonely, and helpless. The only one can save myself from it is myself. I can only fight by myself, and fight for myself. No one will help me because it is my own battle. Face it. Overcome it. Live through it.
There will be a future. There will be ...
a heavenly future.
Be truth to your heart
I feel like i am getting stupid these years. In scientific term, my IQ is negatively correlated with my AGE.
Even in my 26th year of existence as a human being, I still not following the simplest rule of being, living, and believing. That is, be truth to your heart, be truth to what you like, to what moves you, to your passion, to what you love.
That is what I (We) care deep down in my heart, and the only way to true happiness.
Even in my 26th year of existence as a human being, I still not following the simplest rule of being, living, and believing. That is, be truth to your heart, be truth to what you like, to what moves you, to your passion, to what you love.
That is what I (We) care deep down in my heart, and the only way to true happiness.
emotion - notes
very unstable emotion
sometimes i feel extremely happy and optimistic, but it could easily be distressed and discouraged by small things, like pressure, or some small things that don't go as the way I thought.
When I wake up everyday in the morning, it is like gambling. Gambling with my emotion. And as you know, you lose for most of the time.
asylum here i come. what's wrong with me.
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